Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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