considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
