people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I did not marry a roomba.
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