he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
