I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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