apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
