you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
