I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
