what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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