Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
