I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
