Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
