All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize