Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
