I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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