ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
