I am spending my child support on dildos
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
