the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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