but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
