everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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