My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
