Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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