We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
