why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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