getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
