Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
