I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
