if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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