I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
