New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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