I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
