I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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