How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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