did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
