Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
