Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
