Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
