worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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