Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
