Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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