Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
