Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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