Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
