Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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