Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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