he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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