I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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