"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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