using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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