suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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