my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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