using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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