I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
