So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
