if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
