Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize