Farmville is her only friend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
