If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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