Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Someone signed my nipple.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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