I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
