i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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