i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
