if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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