We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
