i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am naked and annoyed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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