I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
