last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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