I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize