Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
