Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
