hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
