Nicole vs. Life
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
