if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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