Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
