I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
