i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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