I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
