I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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