Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
