I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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