ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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