Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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