Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
