My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
