It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
