I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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