Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
