Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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