Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My vagina is officially offended.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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