Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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