its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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