I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
