I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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