so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
