after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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