tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize