He kissed a someone with a penis
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
