sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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