So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
