i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
