Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
