nut hugger
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
