Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
