And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
