I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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