she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
