we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
